chemicaldarkshine:

hardestcopy:

bijou1986:

A Mom went to have dinner with her son who lives with his roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome his roommate was. She had been suspicious about her sons sexuality but being a good mother she felt that he would let her know if and when the time was right but seeing the two together just made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the interaction between the two she wondered even more if there was more here than meets the eye. Her son, sensing his mothers watchfully eye volunteered, “really Mom, I can tell what you’re thinking and you can just get it out of your mind, we are just roommates and nothing more”.

About a week later the roommate remarked, “ever since your mother was here the silver serving platter has been missing, do you think she took it?”

He responded, “Well I’m sure she didn’t but I will email her and ask just to be sure” he sat down and wrote:

Hey Mom
I’m not saying you did take the silver platter from the house and I am not saying you didn’t take it but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Your Son.

A couple days later he got a response from his mother:

Dear Son,
I am not saying that you do sleep with your roommate and I am not saying that you don’t sleep with him and you know I love you and could care less either way but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the platter under his pillow.
When are the two of you coming for dinner?
Love,
Mom

image

BEST MOM

I’m crYING

mylittlebig-world-of-my-mind:

take-me-tom-hiddleston:

ship-it-all-the-way:

jadedfalling:

sickledsnake:

itsdorkgirl:

BOND is a tiny touch module. It can be a pendant or a bracelet but it comes in pairs. You keep one and you give one to a friend. When you touch it, your friend feels it. No matter where they are on the planet. We don’t do tweets, we do tickles.

gonna put it on my dick

THAT IS NOT THE INTENDED USE SIR

This is actually so cool because some people wear bracelets and necklaces and things as comfort items. I used to wear a necklace from my grandma to remind me of her and I would touch the pendant on it when I was feeling down or stressed. So imagine (if she were still alive), every time I did that she would know I was thinking of her, drawing strength from her.

And then imagine poking it and the other person feels it and pokes back and you end up in a real life facebook poke war.

I would send messages in morse code

magine you and your best friend have one. When the friend dies, he/she is buried with the bracelet. A couple weeks later, you feel someone touch your wrist.

Well this escalated from cool tech to perverted hilarity to something heartfelt then finally something out a creepypasta

(Source: ldrsociety)

youngblackandvegan:

the older i get

the more i realize the value of privacy

of cultivating your circle and only letting certain people in

you can be open, honest, and real while still understanding not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life

I told you you’d get tired of me first.
(via guy)

(Source: essy10)

thatsthat24:

gymleaderkyle:

micdotcom:

This Icelandic police force has the most adorable Instagram account 

Meet the Reykjavík Metropolitan Police, serving the capital of Iceland. By the looks of their incredible Instagram account, a normal day includes holding kittens, eating candy and wearing false mustaches.

There’s more where those came from | Follow micdotcom

but do they got kik tho

Can we trade police forces?

laurenjauregei:

how to be smooth as hell with your crush

(Source: camliacabello97)

krakenqueen:

funnywildlife:

This Bald Eagle was chasing the Great Blue Heron away from the eggs in her nest. It wasn’t trying to kill the Heron or she would have done so long before this once in a lifetime shot was captured by Owen Deutsch

The artist in me loves the fact that we have two nearly similarly sized birds in the same pose for a detailed comparison between the anatomical differences. It’s like, I’m having an art boner right now.

(Source: wildography.co.uk)

Someone holds me safe and warm

Horses prance through a silver storm

Figures dancing gracefully

Across my  m e m o r y

(Source: kenais)

elijahkrantz:

I found out santa wasnt real because I got a spy kit that christmas so i fingerprinted my mom and matched it to the fingerprints i dusted on the milk mug i left out… Im on that next level shit

permguerrero:

memes are people too 

(Source: deezyville)

riddlersgammon:

that time of year is approaching

scary lawn decorations

terrifying tv programs

people in costumes going door to door

election season

fluffyplant:

invisiblesbians:

4gifs:

The floor is lava. [vid]

This is one of the best gifs

omfg I’ve only ever seen the end part of this gif this is amazing

(Source: ForGIFs.com)

subterraneanscum:

the cat makes this pic